|original graphic by: Andreea Cernestean|
Standing Up For Yourself When You Are an Empath
Don't Let Them Dim Your Light
Today I wanted to talk about a topic that is serious and affects a lot of us. As empaths we have a tendency to let ourselves get walked all over and find ourselves in a variety of controlling relationships. Yes, notice I said we. :)))) I'm right there with you. I spent my first 35 years like this, and had a very difficult time saying no to anyone and anything they requested of me. I also had a tendency to believe pretty much anything anyone said about me as I have an extreme desire to please everyone. So why is this?
When we are empaths and highly sensitive to the world around us, we feel everyones emotions, right? So when someone gets upset or angry with you it can be like getting hit with a tidal wave of negative energy, literally. I have at times felt like I've been blasted across a room with it. Heck, people don't even need to say anything to me and I will squirm because I know I've disappointed them somehow. Growing up sensitive, because you've had this gift your whole life, you learn to not get hit with that negative energy by doing what it takes to please others. When you please others, it can help to stop getting hit with negative energy....until people figure out how easy you are and start taking advantage of it. It's not to say that they do it on purpose, many probably aren't even aware of what they are doing.
So it starts as a child in how we are raised as we learn to do the dance that stops us from getting blasted with negative energy. Now am I saying we never acted up as a child? No, but we definitely felt it every time we did and got disciplined. This can go back as far as when we were an infant. Yes this gift didn't turn on at 2 ;) You would've felt emotions from birth, and actually many lives before this if you want to get right down to it ;) Now you may not have understood them all that well, but you would have felt a mother's frustration if she was very tired during those first few months. It's something you would've been much more sensitive to. Going through your critical toddler years when we don't understand everything that is said yet, we largely depend on what we feel. For us that time was magnified by ten. I can remember getting yelled at and put in my crib at the age of 2, it actually may have been earlier then that as I remember vaseline being near my bed for diapers. Crazy huh? It's because I remember the emotion of that time. That's another article, is how many of us file our memories by emotion. ;)
Move up to later childhood when we mingled with other children. When you can feel their emotions they don't even have to say a word and you will know how they feel about you. Let's face it children can be cruel as they try to climb the social ladder at a young age and you don't have to do anything to get them upset with you. So someone could walk by you in the hallway at school who has decided he or she doesn't like you for whatever reason, and you will feel that energy, as well as the energy of every other person around you. This only starts to cement what you have learned. Stay quiet and try to please everyone.
Lets move on up that time line. I cannot tell you how many of you that I've worked with that are in controlling and often abusive relationships. It makes perfect sense really. We would have a hard time seeing through that, and by the time we did it would be too late. Many of us see the "good" in everyone.
Now there is a flip side to this. Some of us have built ginormous brick walls and thus blocked all emotion going out and in. Those of you who have done that have really gone through some tough times and I urge you to start making your way back out of that ginormous shield as not everyone is like that. There are some amazingly loving people in this world. We just need to learn to align ourselves with them.
Most people don't put up with shit. Plain and simple. So they naturally weed out those that aren't good for relationships with them. However, we typically do not. This is why we can wind up in these controlling relationships. If you are in one or you know you've been in one, start looking at everything you do and say. Stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid of the word no. When in doubt pull yourself out of the situation and picture your best friend in the situation. What would you tell him or her to do? I betcha a lot of you would be shocked at the difference in what you would tell them to do and how you handle things. To be honest, when we are in these relationships, most of us don't even realize it, because it has become "normal" for us.
I want to tell you that there are good people out there, a lot of really really good people out there. People who will love you and embrace you for who you are. Who you are, not what you do for them. There's a difference. ;) You must first embrace you though. Realize that we are all unique and have these beautiful gifts. When we treat ourselves well we will fill with an amazing light, sort of like a loving lantern out there in the world. Your mere presence will cause others to shine. Don't let anyone dim that light. Ever. You are far to special to ever have that happen. You deserve the best in life. So break free and go get it. :)))))))
Much Love and Many Blessings,
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